Great Jokes Still Sound The Same

No, Really...:

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I actually actively like Mel C's new song.

Why? Because it takes everything that was vaguely exciting about the singles from her first album (let's face it, I think even she's trying to pretend Reason never happened) and doubles it. WOMP must have had a hand in Beautiful Intentions (which would make a fabulous title, if you were naming a twelve year old girl's LiveJournal, not if you were an ex-Spice Girl pretending to be Alanis Morissette).

Top Five Reasons (Ha!) Why 'Next Best Superstar' Is The Best Thing Mel C's Ever Done Except 'Never Be The Same Again', 'I Turn To You' Or 'Suddenly Monday':

  • The gimmick for 'Goin' Down' was, obviously, Mel C's Surprising New Direction (Which Isn't All That Surprising At All, Really, Because She's A Big Fat Nu-metal-loving Lesbian And There's Nothing On The Album That Sounds Anything Like It, Anyway). 'Next Best Superstar' features a Surprising New Direction, ie. Good.
  • The gimmick for 'Northern Star' was The Lyrics Are In Third Person But Actually It's About Mel C Because She's 'Subversive' Like That, just like the lyrics to 'Next Best Superstar'. Only Mel C could sing, 'And you know you can sing' when referring to herself.
  • The Unique Selling Point for 'Never Be The Same Again' was Left Eye's On It. For obvious reason's (ie. she's dead) Left Eye doesn't make an appearance on 'Next Best Superstar', but you know she's there in spirit. Perhaps literally.
  • The gimmick for 'I Turn To You' was Wow! It's Mel C! But You Can Dance To It! But, Hang On, It's Still Got A 'Message'! Just like 'Next Best Superstar'!
  • And the much-maligned dodgy lyrics of 'If That Were Me' (ie. the worst selling single by a Spice Girl ever - even Mel B managed to get into the top ten) are all over this new effort.

Okay, so she might be more evil than Hitler, Attila The Hun and Charlie from Busted combined, but it's the best thing she's ever released that wasn't good because someone else reworked them for her (ie. Left Eye or The Hex-Factor or whoever it was that remixed 'I Turn To You') - I'm backing her all the way.

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