Let's hit the theme song!

"Watching the people get unhealthy,
is not very pretty, I tell thee...
And putting on pounds is quite scary,
And not very sensible either...

lalalalalala

I predict a diet! I predict a diet!
I predict a diet! I predict a diet!"



Kaiser Chefs: Hi, we're the Kaiser Chefs! Welcome to episode one of our new show "I Predict A Diet!"

Simon: Today on the show, we've got a very special celebrity diet makeover - Taj!
Ricky: We're putting a building on a diet?
Simon: Hahahaha. No. Not the Taj Mahal silly! Taj from Neighbours!
Ricky: Ah, of course! Brilliant! Let's crank up the bonza bus then shall we? Destination Sydney!

The Chefs arrive at Taj's Sydney abode



Knock knock

Taj answers

KCs: Hello Taj! You've been selected to come on our show! As one of the fattest Neighbours characters of recent times, you were the perfect choice as our first ever guest! And taking a look at you, there's only thing we have to say: 'I predict a diet!'
Taj: Who the fuck are you?
KCs: We're the Kaiser Chefs! We cook, we sing, and we CHANGE LIVES!
Taj: ...I've never heard of you
KCs: Never mind! Are you ready to come with us for the dieting experience of a lifetime?
Taj: ...yeah, I guess. Can I just say goodbye to my girlfriend first?
KCs: Of course!
Taj: (Calling out) Goodbye Libby!
Libby: (In background) See ya Taj!

We arrive at a kitchen



Ricky: Now Taj, we are going to put you on the "Blue Cake Diet". It's basically where you eat nothing but blue cakes for a month.
Taj: But won't eating nothing but cake make you put ON weight?
Ricky: No well, the thing is you see, the frightening appearance and disgusting taste will put you off so much that you won't eat anything at all. Weight loss guaranteed!
Taj: I see. Isn't this a bit of a controversial approach?
Ricky: Yes well, it's not recommended by any doctors anywhere.
Taj: Will it be dangerous to my health?
Ricky: Oh definitely. But do you want to be fat or not?
Taj: Not. I'll give it a bash then!
Ricky: That's the spirit! Alright then Taj, we'll set you up with a month's supply of cake (which you won't need!) and we'll check back on you in a months time!
Taj: Thanks guys! See you then!

Jaunty music plays

Back in the studio

Nick: And now it's time for a special segment we like to call 'The Chef's Top Five!'

The Chef's Top Five Chefs Who Aren't Them!:

1. Jamie Oliver
2. Ben from the Big Arvo
3. Nigella Lawson
4. Ian "Hewie" Hewitson
5. Gwyneth Paltrow


KCs: And now it's time to check back in with Taj! It's been a month, let's see if he's stuck to the diet, and how much weight he has lost!

The Chefs arrive back at Taj's house



Ricky: Well Taj!...don't you look...as fat as ever...er, wonderful...
Taj: Don't try to humour me.
Nick: You ate the cakes, didn't you.
Taj: Yes. They don't taste as bad as they look.
Ricky: (Thinking) Hmmm... Maybe we should revise the concept a bit then
Nick: After all, it's only the pilot! We'll get it right next time, surely!
Ricky: Yeah, well done Taj! Thanks for being on the show!
Taj: It's been great fun!

Kaiser Chefs: Thanks for tuning in everyone! Stay tuned next week for another dieting triumph!