The Love Pavilion

First Order Of Business!

2008-04-17T14:31:00.004+10:00

I think the time really is right for Stu's return to Neighbours. His brothers, Ned and ...Steve? are still in the show, which gives him an actual reason to return, so it wouldn't
be completely random. And they are constantly mentioning him, although they always
neglectfully forget to refer to him by his "country name" of Chooka. All the Parkers are from
the farm, so they really should know that he is called Chooka, not his Erinsborough name of Stu.

Stu will have absolutely no hassels finding work back in Ramsay St, seeing as how he is a policeman, member of the Australian Defence Force, nurse, Life Mechanics leader, and blind person, amongst 50 other career choices he has made.

Ideally of course, we would want to use Stuart to replace his wooden plank of a brother, Ned. An acceptable storyline would probably be one where Ned died and Stu got custody of Mickey. See, this would force Stu back to the street. OF COURSE, no one wants Mickey to stick around, but it would be cruel to kill a 6 year old. ~~....or WOULD IT~~.

Perhaps Mickey could find some sort of Time Machine, and transport himself 10 years into the future. We would all know he was safe and sound, but he would not have to be on our TV screens. Stu Parker could of course come back to Ramsy St to solve the Great Mystery! And he would stay to win our hearts.

The Devil's Water It Aint' So Sweet

2008-04-17T14:24:00.003+10:00

I think I may re-launch the Love Pavilion!

It is all based on the fact that I was thinking about Brandon Flowers, and realised I haven't been campainging for his solo career/disposal of the ugly members in a long time. And I think that is just because I have not had a suitable outlet, such as the LP.

I came by blogger for for a "quick visit" and realised I still have the LP set up in an acceptable layout, so WHY NOT RELAUNCH?

Big Brother Favourite - CHANGE!

2006-05-05T15:44:00.000+10:00

Krystal is OUT, Anna is IN.

Anna is my new House Hero! She's like Ben from Big Brother 3 (remember Ben??)

Jess Ausculture is coming around to Anna as well, and has some pretty good reasons why! She's also doing surprisingly well on the official popularity poll...it's kinda strange, because you'd think everyone would hate her, but there's almost something LIKEABLE about her...

Finally, something to love about Neighbours

2006-05-04T15:24:00.000+10:00

KenNEDy are what we've spent our whole lives waiting for. The music stylings of The Right Prescription with (literally) an added dose of Ned!

This has been a surprisingly comedic storyline so far, and for once we can honestly say, well done Neighbours!

SOME FACTS

2006-05-03T11:46:00.000+10:00

- This album is surprisingly FANTASTIC. It's a little bit country, a little bit Jesus, and 100% BALLADS. All the things we love!! 4 Dogs.

- We Are Scientists are the best ever.

Best Thing About Neighbours For The Week

2006-05-03T11:33:00.000+10:00

Karl and Ned's band name - "KenNEDy".

Big Brother!

2006-05-01T11:31:00.000+10:00

We are firmly behind my namesake, Krystal!:

She's amazingly great, isn't she? And much better than the last Krystal they had on, who was a disgrace to the name!

The best story about the new Krystal is this one

"In the photoshoot, Krystal has assumed the name of "Crystal". Amazing!

Even though I'm of course glad she chose the correct spelling of the name for her semi-porn career, I hate that it reinforces the view that all people called Crystal are strippers. We are not!!

Neighbours Spoiler!

2006-05-01T10:09:00.000+10:00

We're going to need the Top Secret Oasis Invisible Ink for this one!

Highlight to be spoiled!: [["Sky is pregnant - TO STINGRAY!!]]

It's not 100% confirmed yet, unfortunately. It is however 100% hilarious!

Jewel Has A New Album!

2006-04-30T10:01:00.000+10:00

It's called Goodbye Alice In Wonderland.

See ya!

Alice In Wonderland is an amazing film, isn't it? At least Jewel didn't call it Goodbye Care Bears In Wonderland, because then we couldn't be able to proclaim that the album is pretty good!

The best song is the title track, followed by the single Again And Again. We've always sort of liked Jewel, but never really dared say so, after she shushed someone.

HOWEVER - this is officially kicking off our first theme week of the comeback tour - JEWEL WEEK!

Let's start things off with a list hey?

Top 5 Jewel Songs:

1. Foolish Games
2. Hands
3. 2 Become 1
4. Goodbye Alice In Wonderland
5. I Was Meant For You

You Can't Escape My Biology!!

2006-04-29T19:39:00.000+10:00

Quite literally!

This time last year, it was all about Popstar Chefs and cooking up a storm in the kitchen with Kaiser Chefs, the Spillers and a whole lot more. However this year it's quite a different trend altogether - Popstar Scientists!

There's not only Girls Aloud with their Biology and Chemistry lessons, there's also the two best new bands this year:

1. The Research

&

2. We Are Scientists

Again, quite literally!

As is tradition around here, we need to pit them against each other in a battle to discover who are the best Popstar Scientists!

On the one hand, The Research are just as their name suggests, committed to the study of science and its consequences for society. On the otherhand, as THEIR name suggests, We Are Scientists sure are!

The WASs are also as it happens Amazing Detectives. But, that's another post for another time. ALSO - they are Popstar Chefs as well, as they explain in their hit single The Great Eggs Crepe! So they definitely win our hearts!

New Movie News!

2006-04-29T18:11:00.000+10:00

As a pretty prolific script writer, I'm always coming up with great ideas for television shows and blockbuster movies. Since the Love Pavilion re-opened recently, I've already been asked many many times, 'what's on the boil at the moment?'

Well, PLENTY.

Not least of all:

A new comedy/adventure film staring the Adams brothers! In it, New York based rock superstar Ryan Adams discovers an amazing secret - he has a ginger-haired journalist brother in Melbourne, Australia!

For some (yet-to-be-determined) reason, the brothers have to trade places! It's just like the movie...er, Trading Places! Hilarity ensures as Ryan attempts to review the latest music releases and Cameron is off touring the world as an alt-country megastar! Can this unlikly duo pull it off??

WELCOME BACK

2006-04-29T17:41:00.000+10:00

Look who it is pulling into the bus depot!...

For the ultimate Reunion Tour!

Yes, the Love Pavilion is BACK. But this time - with a mission! To become successful!

There was a brief period, around 2003, when the Love Pavilion was about to really take off in the blog world, but we sort of imploded and never really lived up to our potential. This is mainly because we refused to do the things that make blogs popular - hang with the top bloggers, link to the right sites, write about topical issues.

Instead we chose to mainly focus on Great Jokes, which resulted in the Love Pavilion audience becoming quite loyal BUT SMALL.

Well, all that's about to change on The Love Pavilion's Tour Of Success!

Do not worry though, we are not selling out! We refuse to trade in Damon Albarn's Harbor for trendy political posts. INSTEAD...

We are going to make the Love Pavilion popular by keeping it just as it always was! That's right, more of the same old, same old, but this time with mass success! This campaign starts IMMEDIATELY.

Kaiser Chiefs - New Job(s)!

2005-06-11T12:40:00.000+10:00

Thanks to TOTP online, The Kaiser Chefs have packed up their saucepans and have gone home.

But WHAT can they do now?

Well, the answer obviously lies in the title of their debut album!

The Kaiser Chiefs - Employment (Specialists)!

It's worked already, because it's already found them a new job!

And there are a LOT of other popstars/celebrities around who need the services of the Chiefs - and they are more than willing to help!

Perhaps Chris Martin will be dropping in for an appointment!:

Recently both Chris's songs and lizovationg have been substandard (see: X&Y, the current LP layout). So evidentially, Chris is in need of a new career direction! Chris, come round, have a talk to the guys, and we'll fix you up with a new resume and list of possible new careers! There are currently NO vacancies in the position of 'Duck Feeder' though, so I've been notified. Still, perhaps we can find you something. If not, there may be a fortnightly payment you qualify for.

Cameron Adam's Oasis Review

2005-06-11T11:30:00.000+10:00

Who Can, eg, Say?

2005-06-06T08:19:00.000+10:00

Even though I'm still not 100% convinced it's not Fop himself "banging this out" I'm On Your Computer is my favourite thing EVER.

THE DOGS ARE BACK... FOR THE REVIEWING EVENT OF THE YEAROASIS - DON'T BELIEVE THE TRUTH

2005-06-05T14:15:00.000+10:00

Wow. I am actually so *impressed*. This album is GREAT.

Before we get into the track-by-track, some general observations:

It doesn't sound like a 'typical' Oasis album at all. Have they actually, whisper it...progressed? Well not really, it's as old fashioned as they come. But it's a million light years leap for Oasis.

The "Wall Of Sound" has gone! Good, I never liked it much in the first place.

The extremely democratic dividing up of vocals/songwriting works a lot better than I had thought it would.

Right. Track-By-Track!

Don't Believe The Truth Reviewed By Crystal Gallagher-Starr, and special guest Stu!

1. Turn Up The Sun
Some things never change, and Oasis are still writing songs about the sun. And how it shines. This song is only the first of about 16 references to the sky on this album. I will always question the choice to have the album opener penned by Andy Bell, but it is pretty good.

'They got so blind, that they could not see'

Stu: Oh, so opposed to all the blind people that CAN see?
Crystal: It's alright Stu, I know you're still a little sensitive about 'blind' issues. My favourite line in this song is I can't find the "C". I'm right here guys!
Stu: I think they mean the Key. They are pretty bad at finding notes.
Crystal: STU! Do you want to get kicked off the review!? Show some damn respect.

2. Mucky Fingers

This really DOES sound like the Velvet Underground. Noel even sings like Lou Reed. I wasn't really expecting that "turn of events". But even if Noel is barely respecting copyright, at least he isn't ripping off Strawberry Fields Forever for the 50 millionth time. In other places, he shows that he has been hanging around with Brandon Flowers by warning "You'll get your fingers burned". I love it.

3. Lyla

This has really grown on me a lot. Hated it at first, then sort-of liked it, now I'm up to quite liking it.

4. Love Like A Bomb

Stu: This doesn't sound very legal...
Crystal: It's alright Stu, it's mostly a metaphor. You like those.
Stu: That I do.

It's a proper Oasis love song here. They usually keep them hidden away for b-sides. But this one's written by Liam, presumably about Nicole Appleton (she would hope). It's very excellent!

5. The Importance Of Being Idle

What is JUST GREAT, I would like to point out here, is that Noel sings all the songs he has written (except Lyla). Come on the "Noel Solo Career!"

Anyway, this song is nothing like an Oasis song. Which SHOULD be a bad thing, in my books. But it's NOT a bad thing. It is a brilliant thing. I can't think of any other Oasis song this sounds like...maybe something off The Masterplan, at a stretch. Anyway, it's at this point I become very impressed with where this album is 'heading'.

6. Meaning Of Soul

This only goes for 1:42! Is this the same Oasis who at one stage thought 7:36 was a 'short' play length?

I so badly love the lyrics Liam has laid down in this one:

"I'm a different breed
I'm outta your league
I'm 10 out of 10, alright."

Alright, indeed! I agree.

7. Guess God Thinks I'm Abel

It's a bit presumptuous to say what Cameron thinks until we've read Thursday's official review, but ok.

I've read that this is meant to be a message from Liam to Noel, but...the opening line is "I could be your lover".

Then there's "I'd get round to loving you, is that such a crime?"

Stu: Possibly incest.
Crystal: Let's just hope this song has little/nothing to do with the Liam & Noel relationship.

Anyway, subject matter aside, it is FUCKING GREAT. The possible best song on the album written by Liam! Who knew!

8. Part Of The Queue

Another Noel written/sung track. And another absolute winner. Again, this really doesn't sound much like an Oasis song, but it's great.

9. Keep The Dream Alive

Stu: "I'm at the crossroads." Along the freeway of life, I'm assuming.
Crystal: Well you certainly would.

This is by Andy Bell, and it's pretty alright, I have to admit. Even if he really SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED to write Oasis songs, just out of principle.

10. A Bell Will Ring

The only bad song on the album. It's written by Gem. He should really put that pen RIGHT DOWN, and go back to doing what it is that he does. (He plays the guitar or something, doesn't he)

11. Let There Be Love

Cameron!!! I have a special, SPECIAL request!! Please call this their very own Wonderwall. Or at least say it's their new Wonderwall, or this album's Wonderwall. Do it!

OK, now THIS song sounds like vintage Oasis. It's really the only one that does. And it's a brilliant end to the album. It's like Acquiesce Part II with Liam and Noel both on vocals. Awww.

All Over Verdict:

I LOVE it. I had fairly low expectations, what with that fact that Noel didn't write much, but I admit I was wrong. The other songs are almost as good, especially the Liam ones.

It really IS their best album since Definitely Maybe!

Pop Mechanics With Stu

2005-06-05T10:10:00.000+10:00

Rev up your engines - Stu's back to solve all of Pop's problems Life Mechanic's style!

Crystal: Hi Stu!
Stu: G'day!
Crystal: Stu, I'm so glad you could make it in today. We have a very serious question we need your help with...
Stu: Absolutely! What is it?
Crystal: How, exactly, can Ricki-Lee get her career out of first gear? And then possibly, into the fast lane of success.

Stu: ~~Are you sure you want to know~~. Actually, I think you need look no further than the LYRICS OF HER SONG!
Crystal: I had a feeling it would be something like this. Where do the answers lay Stu?
Stu: Well, in the second line of Hell No, Ricki-Lee informs us that "The traffic hits you like you're no good".
Crystal: ~~She is no good. I would hit her with my car too~~. Hmmm...I think I see what you're saying. But could you elaborate?
Stu: When you hit 3rd gear, and get into some heavy traffic along the freeway of life, it's no wonder it will 'hit you'. With a Top Ten single hopefully!
Crystal: Excellent! So, Ricki-Lee is going to be alright then?
Stu: ~~Unfortunately~~. Yes! She's going to be just fine.
Crystal: Thanks Stu!
Stu: Any time!

Extreme Crazy Frog Appreciation Mania

2005-06-05T10:03:00.000+10:00

No, I'm just kidding.

OR AM I?

To be continued

Moderately Amusing Neighbours Moment Appreciation Mania

2005-06-04T10:19:00.000+10:00

My Neighbours viewing has been so random lately...I've missed Our Stu's engagement, and I don't even want to KNOW what is going on in that Lyn/Bobby/Susan love triangle.

I did like this bit last night though.

(Bree has written a list of things Janelle does wrong as a mother)

Bree: Number 32 (something about Mr Whippy)
Janelle: Well I'm not bloody Cher! I can't turn back time!
Bree: Funny you should mention that. Number 33 - "Cher is not classical music."

Also, according to Neighbours.com, on Monday "Sky fails dismally as a secret agent." Can you just IMAGINE the movie!...

Crystal Gallagher & The Blue Cakes Vs The BBC TOTP Website

2005-06-02T13:26:00.000+10:00

This is one case Stu does NOT need to investigate. It is pretty open and shut.

The Story So Far:

About 5 weeks ago, I posted the following picture, with an accompaning highlarious post:

The Great Joke of the Kaiser Chefs was born.

And continued:

Since then, we have ALL enjoyed the non-stop hilarity that naturally results when popstars decide to cook.

Including, apparently, the BBC's TOTP website.

Who have decided to go down THIS road:

It's a road that's going to lead them straight towards a law suit. I will NOT tolerate this. I've already fired off two complaints, and more will follow if need be.

This will become the campaign to end all campaigns, if necessary.

Meanwhile...

2005-06-02T12:27:00.000+10:00

...Whilst I'm still not over the revelations in the post below, the two best things in the world did come together this morning:

Also, Cameron HATES* the Coldplay album! He has really let Chris's betrayal spoil things.

*Well, he gave it three and a half stars, but I was expecting four and a half, possibly more. 3.5 is very very low for him.

FUCK THIS SHIT

2005-06-02T09:11:00.000+10:00

Look what Top Of The Pops have done.:

I can't actually compose myself for a proper post at the moment, but rest assured, this is SO FAR FROM OVER it's not funny.

Don't Cook Back In Anger!

2005-06-01T13:14:00.000+10:00

I've just downloaded a Don't Believe The Truth bonus track called "Pass Me Down The Wine".

NOW. If the title alone isn't 'foody' enough for you, then how about one of the lines in it: "Gonna stop the hunger".

Gonna stop the hunger! By cooking some great food, I'll bet!!

& In More Evil Popstar Cooking News...

I was listening to the Spice Girl's track "My Strongest Suit" yesterday, and the first line is of course, unfortunately, Mel C informing us that:

"I believe in looking, like my time on earth is cooking."

If SHE thinks that she is getting her own cooking show, well she'd better just swiftly THINK AGAIN.

Mistaken Identity

2005-05-30T10:30:00.000+10:00

You know...as far as Delta Goodrem and cooking goes, we really didn't think it got any better than discovering that she was Born To Fry and Lost Without Stew.

AND THEN. We realised that what she really loved most of all was...

A Little Blue Cake.

OMG, Delta is the QUEEN of the popstar chefs. Even the Kaiser Chefs cannot match her abilities!

Ricki-Lee's Guide To Improvement

2005-05-30T10:00:00.000+10:00

The party invite is back!

Previously on Ricki-Lee's Guide To Improvement:

Michelangelo learns what real art is, as I re-paint the Sistine Chapel!

E=mc2... OR DOES IT? I give Einstein a few home truths!

The World Of Literature TAKES NOTE as I give Shakespeare and some other amateurs some writing tips!

Hello! It's me, Ricki-Lee back, saying HELL NO to anything that is old and uncool!

First of all, let me just talk about that new Oasis song! It's from the olden days! What they really should have done, is instead of getting one of the Beatle's kids in on drums, is they should have got in Chaka Khan's daughter! Now SHE'D bring in a party invite or two!

In fact, I can't believe the state of the charts at the moment! THANK GOD for the Crazy Frog. Now that's a modern day superstar! He is also my GREATEST HERO.

But what I've quickly just dropped in to complain about is all this cooking that is going on in here! Cooking is so old fashioned! I mean, I really want my own show, but I just refuse to prepare and bake my own food. So - get ready for Ricki-Lee's Microwave Magic! And my on-the-road special segment Ricki-Lee's Drive Thru Adventures!

See you all then!

Ricki-Lee xxx

Better Than The Beatles!

2005-05-30T09:18:00.000+10:00

How terrific of Ricki-Lee to sum up what we are all feeling about her music career in the title of her new single.

Now that she is unleashing her amazing music upon us, I think it's time to bring her back for her hugely popular segment 'Ricki-Lee's Improvements'! There is still SO much left in the world for her to update and make better.

Stay tuned!

Let Loose Live

2005-05-29T21:57:00.000+10:00

Well, it was mostly lame...except for:

Dog Or No Dog! Hahahahahahaha. Oh, that was almost better than the real show!

It's not confidential!

2005-05-27T13:45:00.000+10:00

"I've never really had a taste of tea. I've probably only had about 5 cups of tea in my whole life"
- Brandon Flowers

Just LOOK at the dedication and example-setting Brandon Flowers is showing to us all. He is so committed to not spilling hot liquids, that he does not even TEMPT FATE.

Meanwhile!: We keep forgetting to mention that according to the source of all things worth knowing, Fop, Missy Eliot is releasing an album called "The Cookbook"!

!!!

Goodness me!

2005-05-27T10:37:00.000+10:00

It's Oasis! In suits! For a new video! For a song that is ACTUALLY GOOD!

Is this the GREATEST DAY EVER? Cameron Adams is back, Oasis are suited up and are releasing a great song, and the SPICE GIRLS ARE REFORMING!!

I Need A HiT

2005-05-26T10:06:00.000+10:00

After a three week bout of enjoying interviews (and more!) with Chris Martin, Cameron is back!

And he's put Oasis in the Hot column! You know why he's done this, don't you? He was upset that last week I said NJ could stay because she loves Oasis. This week Cam has not only said they are 'hot', but put two references to them in the Gorillaz review, and a pic and comment in the charts section. He is trying to win me back, and BOY IS IT WORKING.

Top 5 Bits In HiT This Week:

Oasis - "Hot"

'DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT"

Chris Martin bringing up Cruisn' by Gwyneth Paltrow! I still love that song! (And so does Stu.)

A great Gorillaz review

Anti-Gianna comment. GOOD.

Q. Is It Possible That There's An Even Worse Show Than The Sleepover Club?

2005-05-25T22:03:00.000+10:00

A. Yes. After all, any time I watched that triumph of broadcasting that was The Sleepover Club, I thought "you know, the only way this show could be worse is if they made them all amateur surfers".

Hello "Blue Water High"!

(I only accidentally watched this because it was a repeat of Deal Or No Deal.)

Well that's my life complete then.

2005-05-25T13:19:00.000+10:00

I was reading the ad for Everyday I Love You Less And Less that I'd stuck on my wall before, and LOOK!!!:

Goodness me.

The Kitchen Is Re-Opened

2005-05-24T10:05:00.000+10:00

And I dare you to tell me this isn't the greatest photo ever:

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

2005-05-24T09:21:00.000+10:00

Popstars LOVE to cook! Who am I to say that they should stay the hell out of the kitchen, when all they want to do is bake bake bake?

After all, Hilary Duff is ready and rearing to go! Join her as

She keeps a careful eye on her new vegetable patch in Someone's Watching Over Pea!

She learns that Soy milk is old news in Soy Yesterday!

AND SO MUCH MORE!

Not to mention that the Chef's have a new recipe book to promote, The Spillers are ready to take saftey to an all new level, and Alex Kapranos has a brand new rod to try out!

OASIS ARE AT NUMBER 23

2005-05-23T17:02:00.000+10:00

So we can all breath a hefty sigh of relief that they've at least beaten Mel C. Which isn't saying much at all, but it's something to hang your hat on.

God I Am A Freaking Moron Part II

2005-05-23T09:57:00.000+10:00

I Predict A Riot was only out today! I'm so silly.

Anyway - BUY IT OR ELSE.

No - It's Not Just A Wonderful Dream!

2005-05-22T11:06:00.000+10:00

It's really like how it used to be!

It's all because of THIS, you see:

The "great" "jokes" are taking a holiday. And in their place are going to be proper posts!

And I guess the reunion tour is back on again!

New Department!

2005-05-21T11:52:00.000+10:00

With Feel Good Pty Ltd growing at such a fast rate, I'll going to be heading up a new "Pink Division", along with Brandon Flowers and Pink herself!

After all, with her around it's always FEEL GOOD TIME!

Feel Good Pty Ltd Official Staff:

President: Damon Albarn
Vice-President: Lou
Flower Arrangement: Alf
Chimney Sweep: Alf
Receptionist: Alf
Security: Alf, Stuart Parker
Legal Team: Will, Toadfish
Work Experience: Suntribe
Pink Division Leader: Crystal
Pink Division Managers: Brandon Flowers, Pink.

God I Am A Freaking Moron

2005-05-21T10:28:00.000+10:00

I didn't even realise this has been out here for a week!!:

At least I remembered to buy Oasis. The b-sides to Lyla absolutely blow though. You can tell they do, just by looking at the writing credits:

Track 2 Written by Gem
Track 3 Written by Liam Gallagher

WRONG WRONG WRONG. Apart from 'Songbird' I really have no time for Oasis songs not written by Noel. Which is why I'm not really that fused by the up-coming album, where he's written less than half. I would SO much prefer a Noel solo album, you know.

Feel Good Pty Ltd - Mission One!

2005-05-20T11:26:00.000+10:00

Damon's called an emergency meeting of staff!

Damon: Rightio everyone! Lou, Alf, Startribe... I've got a big job for you all! We need ten emergency shipments of Dunston Checks In, immediately!

Lou: ...To do what with?
Damon: To send them out into the world! It's what the world needs now!
Lou: Er, but why 'Dunston Checks In?'
Damon: It's the definitive orangutan movie of the 90s! It's got it all... plucky kids, hilarious animal hi-jinks, comedy criminals:

'When Dunston gets loose and tries to escape a life of crime with the help of Brian and Kyle, things go just a little lunatic.'

Damon: Doesn't the final line of that sound just the lyrics of a Eurovision song? "Just a little lunatic!"
Lou: You're right Damon! Let's get happy then!

Damon: And Alf - you just take care of the flowers!
Alf: No problems Damon! Let's go team!

*****

Well, this is all going brilliantly! We've got one member of Blur and 3 Eurovision contestants working hard to get overlooked 1996 comedy classic Dunston Checks In delivered to the masses! What next for Team Fun? Who knows!

The Work Experience Kids Are Here!

2005-05-19T23:17:00.000+10:00

Down at Feel Good Pty Ltd. Damon and the gang are always pleased to have a bunch of youngsters come in to 'learn the ropes'. This week we've got a fab bunch in, and they've certainly dressed for the job!:

Yes, it's 2005 Eurovision hopefuls, Suntribe! Or, as I accidentally called them before, Starburst. That's these things!:

Anyway, we give Suntribe a very warm welcome, and we hope they enjoy their time at Feel Good Pty Ltd! And good luck for Eurovision girls!

NAME CHANGE

2005-05-19T16:43:00.000+10:00

As our newly hired in-house lawyer William has pointed out, naming an Australian company "Inc" rather than "Pty Ltd." could land us in a load of hot water! So we've had no choice but to change the company's name to Feel Good Pty Ltd!

Now not only are we following federal law, we are not infringing on any direct Gorillaz copyright! Plus, it's the greatest of the great jokes!

Feel Good Pty Ltd. Staff Update:

President: Damon Albarn

Vice President: Lou

FLower Arranging: Alf

Legal Team: Will, Toadie from Neighbours

Work Experience Kids: Suntribe

FEEL GOOD INC - Unveiled

2005-05-19T10:08:00.000+10:00

Imagine a cross between the Eurovision Song Contest and the most fantastic office building you've ever worked in. - You've just imagined Feel Good Inc., a new multi-national production company designed and managed by Damon Albarn.

Feel Good Inc. is unique in that it's the first ever Love Pavilion & Lizjournal COMPANY. Well...apart from all those Lizovation ones. But they were more like small businesses. Feel Good Inc. is like what Chris Martin's Lizovations would be like if it not only redesigned templates, but changed the world.

At Feel Good Inc what is produced, marketed and sold is feel-good family fun. With Damon at the helm though, problems are sure to arise. Not only will he have to put up with everyone in the world annoying him, he has to battle his own tendencies towards grumpiness and bitterness. The irony sometimes is, that the more Feel Good stuff Damon produces, the worse he feels. But he's determined to get the job done!

And first he'll need some staff. We mentioned Eurovision at the top of the post, and we weren't joking! Because Vice-President of Feel Good Inc is none other than 2003 Eurovision contestant Lou!:

You might remember her for her song and life philosophy "Let's Get Happy!" She'll be perfect down at the company! Anytime Damon loses his vision, she'll be there to remind him "Let's get happy and let's be friends"!

And that's just the START of it...

(For more information, see Lizjournal)

I'm Getting Worried Now

2005-05-19T09:05:00.000+10:00

Cameron Adams is still away!

However, his replacement NJ has given Oasis a good review! "They're not done for yet." Neala Johnson, I've severely underestimated you. We don't even need Cameron back if you're going to be dishing out the Oasis praise left right AND center.

There was also LOADS of stuff about the fortunes of Gorillaz's "Feel Good Inc". Plugs for our new project already HiT? Well done!

The Celebrity Kitchen Is Temporarily Closed

2005-05-18T22:43:00.000+10:00

Which is sort of a shame, because Paul Weller was just about to start his new show on scone spreads, The Jam, and Pete & Carl were going to reunite for a new sprout show called The Lima Beans.

But. Anyway.

We have SOMETHING EVEN BETTER.

Beginning right away, in conjunction with Lizjournal:

But what is it? A new TV show, a fantastic film idea, or a great life philosophy segment? ~~We don't know!~~ It's all to be revealed shortly! What we DO know is, is that it's the future.

We have a winner!

2005-05-18T13:07:00.000+10:00

The Pastry Chefs are currently baking Alyson a special gold plated blue cake, for coming up with the greatest cooking show ever:

U2 star in Sometimes You Can't Bake It On Your Own!

And I've thought about it - imagine the confusion when Bono and gang discover that they Still Haven't Found What They're Cooking For! Another ratings smash!

Fucking Hell...:

2005-05-18T05:27:00.000+10:00

Get well soon, Kylie.

Here It Comes, The Sound Of Drums:

2005-05-17T19:13:00.000+10:00

Izzy's done a single!

And, now that all my posts are, essentially, Popjustice a day too late, I can only join the chorus in saying that it's fucking excellent!

Go on, go and have a listen. It might even make up for the fact that Summer is over (and all we are is a part, etc. etc.).

A Great Quote

2005-05-17T09:14:00.000+10:00

From a recent Kaiser Chef's webchat:...

Q What unusual thing gets you inspired to write a song?
Ricky Wilson: There's a song on the album about healthy eating. that's pretty weird...

It's not weird at all! After all, you are the bloody expert on the subject!

And moving along completely, I'd like to issue a public warning. I've been listening to my Alanis Mosissette albums (all four of them) and I think E.A.M.A.M is right around the corner.

Incidentally, did you know that Alanis Morissette loves to cook? ...

So we're comin' out of the kitchen, cos there's something we forgot to say to you!

2005-05-16T09:48:00.000+10:00

And that's - sisters are doing it for themselves!

No it's not. It's - Summer is leaving Neighbours!!!!

Probably our ALL TIME favourite great joke was Cfbgoespop's Summer (Hoyland) Edition. Seriously, that quite nearly caused a death over here at Gallagher-Starr towers.

And just for that - we don't want Summer to leave! Sure, we might joke about Boyd killing her, and we KNOW she is one of the most hated characters ever, but lately she really hasn't been that bad! Plus - how on earth will they write her out?? Summer time will quite literally be over.

*****************

In other cross blog love-ins, we are returning the praise to our Non-Identical Blog Twins Fop, who are enjoying our kitchen antics, it seems. We enjoy everything they do as well! Especially their recent post at the Ausculture Big Brother blog!

Apparently though, some Hollywood superstars think there are better things we could be writing about than rock star chefs!

Better things to write about than people who are singers first, cooks second, and probably entertainers third? I don't think so! You will never find another better bunch of celebrity chefs than what we have here. Ones who are basically just chilled out entertainers. I tell them - thanks for the great jokes!

And thus concludes the David Brent quoting and linking for today.

You've gotta make choices, be wrong or right

2005-05-15T10:25:00.000+10:00

The schedule is just about JAMMED PACKED down here at Love Pavilion TV, but...

We've recently learned that Delta Goodrem is:

So how could we resist giving her her very own cooking show?!

Take it away D!

Delta: G'day everyone! Welcome to Born To Fry! The show where...love is on the menu! That's right, because today I have my boyfriend Brian McFadden in, to whip up some romance! Hi Brian!

Brian: Hey Delta! So, what can I do to help out in the kitchen?

Delta: First of all, I'd like you to peel these apples for me...is that alright?

Brian: Sure! After all, that's what's "Peel To Me!"

Delta: Great! And after that, I need to you prepare some pears for me, if you can.

Brian: Definitely! You might even say I'll 'Pear It Again!'

Network Executive: THIS IS AXED.

The Schedule:

2005-05-14T10:58:00.000+10:00

A Message From Damon

2005-05-14T09:52:00.000+10:00

It seems like Damon Albarn is 'harbouring' some grievances about this new wave of cooking popstars...

Crystal: Hey Damon, what's up?
Damon: Well, I'm really annoyed about something.
Crystal: Nothing new there. What is it this time?
Damon: This whole new cooking rock stars thing...you know, it all started when the Kaiser Chefs baked a cake for the season premier of Damon Albarn's Harbour! Which, I might point out, NEVER RETURNED.
Crystal: Yeah, sorry about that. But what are you saying here, that you're responsible for the phenomenon?
Damon: I'm not only responsible for it, but it's cost me my own show! I am getting NO credit, and NO airtime!
Crystal: But that's because you don't have a cooking show.
Damon: ...OR DO I? You see, I've got some ideas...
Crystal: I don't know Damon...the schedules already pretty full.
Damon: Can I just tell you them?
Crystal: Sigh, alright, I suppose so.

Damon: How about one of the following!:

Find out what happens when your herb cabinet is empty in Out Of Thyme!

Discover the wacky world of vegetables in Crazy Beet!

And enter the dangerous world of pastry abuse in She's So Pie!

Crystal: ...or a mathematics show about a girl who loves triangles called She's So Pi...

Damon: Oh, is that what you're after?

Crystal: Not really, no. But...those other ideas are actually pretty good. Ok - you've got yourself a show!

Damon: Fantastic! I'm actually pretty happy about something!

Crystal: It's a first! Welcome on board the cooking train of success Damon...

Somebody Scold Me - Continued...

2005-05-13T18:02:00.000+10:00

B.Flow: Welcome back! Boy, that was a long ad break, wasn't it? In the, er...day that it took, we've developed a bit of a problem down here at Somebody Scold Me. In fact, you might even say we're in a bit of a 'pickle'!

The problem is, with our name. See, if we continue on with Somebody Scold Me, we'll naturally be changing our name to The Spillers. BUT - there's also the option of changing it to The Grillers, and embarking on a BBQ cooking spin-off.

WHICH WILL WE CHOOSE? The answer after the break!

Thanks Chris!!!

2005-05-13T13:26:00.000+10:00

It's my most favourite Love Pavilion banner ever! You've still got it!

Incoming...:

2005-05-13T10:15:00.000+10:00

In keeping with the current trend for popstar chefs, The Artist Formerly Known As ~~Any Good~~ Ginger Spice appears to have turned up to her album photoshoot dressed as a dog's dinner!

In related news, Mel B is releasing an album in June, although word has it that it's worse than Hot.

It's The Great Joke That Never Ends

2005-05-13T09:39:00.000+10:00

Rock stars and cooking eh? Who knew it was such a good match!

And I think it's about time my favourite band ever get in on the action!

Liam & Noel proudly present...

Don't Cook Back In Anger!

It's the celebrity cooking show where everything is done with a smile!

Coming up on this week's show:

The guys investigate how long meat products can last before they go bad, in Liver Forever!

They check out the likelihood of a group of people using a particular dressing in Some Might Satay!

It's sandwich making time in Roll With It!

And the correct way to cook delicacies in Stop Frying Your Eyes Out!

It's a ratings smash!

It's Not Confidential, It's Got Potential

2005-05-12T12:46:00.000+10:00

Ready let's roll onto something new!

'Somebody told me, that you had a burnt hand...'

B.Flow: Well out of all the proposed segments on I Predict A Sprite, ours was by far the most popular! So popular in fact, that we've got our own kitchen health and saftey show! "Somebody Scold Me!"

The Kaiser Chiefs might be great cooks, but there's one thing they've ignored when it comes to food preparation, and that is SAFETY FIRST. ALWAYS.

But that's the one thing we don't ignore! In fact - it's the one thing we know more about than anything else! Most of all, of course, we care about how to avoid being scolded by boiling water.

Ronnie: You might even say we're in a 'Hot Fuss' about stove saftey!

B.Flow: Hahaha. Quite.

Ronnie: So, what do we have coming up on today's show?

B.Flow: Well, amongst all the warnings about the consequences of spilling hot water we have the following fun (and educational!) segments:

Mr Knifeside - The proper way to handle knives! (Tip: Always grip it by the handle)

Tile Like You Mean It - How to keep your kitchen surfaces in top condition to avoid germs and contamination!

All These Bins That I've Done - Separating your recyclables from your scraps and compost!

Somebody Fold Me - How to keep your teatowels and napkins neat and tidy!

B. Flow: But that's all coming up after the break!

Somebody Scold Me will continue shortly. Maybe.

I Predict A Cancellation

2005-05-11T13:56:00.000+10:00

Kaiser Chefs: Hey there everyone! You know, we're just about out of puns on the title "I Predict A Riot!" And that means we are literally at the end of the road! But, being the great chefs we are, and because we so want to pass our love of food and cooking onto you all, we really want to keep the show going!

So, we are going to bring in some of our famous friends from other bands to do some guest segments!:

Starting soon On I Predict A Sprite:

Alex Kapranos and gang each week give away a fish to a lucky contestant in "Take Me Trout!"

Brandon Flowers and co extol the virtues of kitchen safety as they dare people to spill hot water on them in "Somebody Scold Me!"

Does music improve the taste of sesames? Chris Martin and mates find out in "Seed Of Sound!"

Those crazy guys from Keane teach us about vegetables that only sprout in rare conditions in "Somewhere Only We Grow!"

Don't these all sound brilliant! We can't wait!

You Ain't Got No Alibi:

2005-05-11T06:26:00.000+10:00

The genius behind PopJustice and Tim Chipping who used to be in Orlando (who's album I saw on eBay the other day for silly, silly money, but has apparently been bought and paid for) have sold their souls to the devil and created Slashmusic, on which they are keeping us abreast of the long-overdue comeback of Daphne and her friend, Celeste (and, also, plugging my boyfriend's music, hence my creditting them, as opposed to blatently ripping of their post and taking all the credit for it).

So, in the great tradition of The Love Pavilion, here's that Daphne and Celeste interview in full:

Daphne: Hi, my name's Daphne, and this is my friend, Celeste! Bob Marley came to Celeste in a dream. He was smoking a pipe and he told her we had to come back to save British TV because it sucked.
Celeste: It was one of those dreams/visions.
Daphne: She’s a shamanistic visionary. I’m more psychic.
Celeste: We have several shows in the pipeline, like Squirty the Worm. We don’t know if Britain is ready for Squirty yet. He’s gay and thinks he’s a snake. It’s quite controversial. Then there’s The Foot Show. Celebrities come on and you can only see their feet.
Daphne: If we make any more music it has to be really good. We don’t want to let the fans down.
Celeste: It’ll be a lot of psychic visionary stuff. But of course we’ll be doing the theme tunes to all our shows. Everything is a long term plan.

God, I've missed them.

Hang on...

Shamanistic visionaries? Made-up TV shows? 'Quirky' characters with stupid names?

If ever there was a mighty force that chanelled the spirit of The Love Pavilion, that mighty force is Daphne and Celeste.

Who Misses The Chefs!?

2005-05-09T15:25:00.000+10:00

We haven't blogged about them in DAYS, and I feel a sadness in my heart.

They are, for the record, still my favourite band of all time. And my favourite cooks, for that matter.

As for this week's episode, the producers have now decided it will be a Jamie Oliver style offering, with the Chefs going from hotel to hotel trying to makeover their kitchen menus. It will be called I Predict A Hyatt.

Go The Double G!!

2005-05-09T09:58:00.000+10:00

We at the Pavilion are officially (for now) supporting Glenn and Geneva for Big Brother 5. Yes, we know Glenn is ATROCIOUS, but he's laid down a WOMP/Dishpig vibe that we've simply been taken in by. And as for The Geneva Convention, she is FANTASTIC.

As for who we absolutely detest:

Hotdogs.

You know, I thought changing my last name to that of particular members of Oasis was slightly worrying, but at least I'm not named after anything you can purchase at Donut King. PLEASE BE FIRST OUT.

That said, I bet within two days I will completely love him and change my last name to Meatpie as a sign of support, but we'll see.

(Sorry Will but I thought Gretel's hair was terrible)

Old School

2005-05-07T11:22:00.000+10:00

Do you know who I've been thinking about a lot today?

That's right, Mr Squiggle.

Man, I LOVED Mr Squiggle. Not so much the short 5 minute episodes, but the long ones that went for 25 minutes, and had loads of drawing, and adventure. One of the happiest moments of my life was during my year 12 trip to Canberra, when we went to the Museum of Film and Television, and I got to see the real Mr Squiggle in person! If you think I didn't use up a whole roll of film, you're sadly mistaken.

I'm trying to remember the theme song, but I'm a bit unsure...was it this...?

Here's Mr Squiggle, lot's of fun for everyone!
Here's Mr Squiggle,...sings a happy tune(?)
You can see he's as happy as can be!
Mr Squiggle, the man from the moon.

The only line I'm sure on is the last - he was definitely the man from the moon. He only came down to earth, of course, to turn random dots and squiggles into recognisable objects. It was a job that needed to be done!

But wasn't Mr Squiggle just so BONZA? When I was 6, it was my greatest, greatest dream to host that show one day. Blackboard...the snail....the rocket... "upside down"! Oh, the great memories.

I can't believe actually that they haven't tried to bring it back for a new millennium makeover. I reckon it would go down a treat with the kids today. And poor Mr Squiggle deserves better than to be stuck in a glass cage in a museum. Who wants to start a campaign?!

STOP RIGHT NOW

2005-05-06T11:26:00.000+10:00

And go HERE

You know, us here at the Pavilion and the Pop can make up hilarious alternative careers for celebrities all we like, but sometimes truth is better than fiction.

Ben Cousins is a gangsta? And Missy Higgins is possibly involved? (Ok, that last part was made up, but it's still fantastic)

Detective Stu, Case #108 - The Mystery Of The Repeat Oasis Track

2005-05-06T10:31:00.000+10:00

...So travel down the Road Of Success,
Come to the detective who knows best...

It's Detective Stu, that's who!

Now, if it's one thing Oasis are NOT known for, it's ripping off old songs, calling them something else, and trying to pass them off as something new. No no no no no. That's just not their style at all. Which is why I got such a rude shock last night when I heard a track off the new album

I've had to pay a visit to Detective Stu to try to sort it all out!

Crystal: Hi Stu!
Stu: G'day! What seems to be the problem? Is there a mystery that needs solving?
Crystal: Yes! Desperately!
Stu: Tell me all the facts then.
Crystal: WELL. Yesterday, Hollywood superstar Ben Affleck sent me an mp3 of a new Oasis song, promising that it would be my new BEST SONG EVER. It was allegedly called "Let There Be Love".
Stu: Well that sounds fantastic. What was the problem?
Crystal: I already had it! I've had it for years! Except it was called "It's A Crime"!
Stu: It IS a crime!!! Possibly.
Crystal: Oh Stu, it definitely is. I was promised a fantastic new song, and I got one that is five years old, just with a different title!
Stu: Well, it's definitely not Oasis's fault. They would never repeat themselves, or serve up something that sounds exactly like something they've released before.
Crystal: I know Stu, they're not to blame. So who IS?
Stu: Well, I have my number one suspect...

Stu: I suspect he's doubled the song.
Crystal: Stu...I think you may have just solved the case. THANK YOU.
Stu: It's another mystery solved!

Something A Bit Strange

2005-05-05T14:24:00.000+10:00

I was watching my Blur Best Of DVD before, and, quite weirdly...there's numerous shots throughout it of Damon either cooking and/or drinking lemonade. For instance, in Sunday Sunday he whips up a nice roast, and in On Your Own he takes 'a sip of lemonade' (possibly Sprite!), before carelessly chucking it on the ground. And there are SEVERAL MORE. Quite frankly I'm confused as to what this all means.

Extreme Big Arvo Appreciation Mania

2005-05-05T09:55:00.000+10:00

Isn't the Big Arvo just plain genius? I reckon it's like what the Love Pavilion would be like if it was a TV show.

ACTUALLY.

CHECK. THE. SIMILARITIES.

On The Big Arvo:

They drive/fly around the world on a bus

Not only do they have a cooking segment...

...They have a cooking BAND.

They have special celebrity guest segments (Bruce The Cow, for instance)

They have "wacky" themes each episode

They have great jokes:
'Next up we have an interview with Tammin Sursock'
'I love socks!'

Who's ripping off who! I hope we haven't unintentionally based ourselves on the Big Arvo...

Welcome Back Cameron? I don't think so!

2005-05-05T09:52:00.000+10:00

Cameron took today off! So, I think we'd better save the Welcome Back party for when he is actually, you know, back.

The Neighbours Awards

2005-05-04T12:54:00.000+10:00

You know, there was one problem with the Logie Awards the other night - they were about other shows that weren't Neighbours! There are only three Australian TV shows I give two hoots about - Neighbours, The Big Arvo and Deal Or No Deal. And out of those three there's only one that is worthy of completely scooping the Logie's pool. Or EVEN - having an awards show completely about it!

We've actually done a Neighbours Awards before, about 18 months ago. But this one is all about the year so far. It's only been on 4 months, but a LOT has gone down in Ramsay St, and we're here to hand out all the top prizes!

The Neighbours Awards 2005

Best Stu Moment:

The nominees are:

a) Going blind
b) Getting hit by a truck
c) Getting his sight back

And the winner is... b,Getting hit by a truck! Just because it involved what he loves the most, a vehicle.

Most Disturbing Moment Of The Year So Far:

The nominees are:

a) Harold kissing his dead daughter
b) Garth from Idol molesting Janae in the playground
c) An ALMOST romantic moment between Lil and Stingray

And the winner is...a, Harold pashing his fake dead daughter!

Best Patient and Illness:

The nominees are:

a) Boyd and his coma
b) Karl and his heart attack
c) Stu and his blindness

And the winner is... a, Boyd and his coma!

The Taj Coppin Memorial Award For Best Criminal Mastermind:

The nominees are:

a) David Bishop
b) Dylan Timmins
c) Paul Robinson
d) Steph Scully

And the winner is... c, Paul Robinson!

Most Surprisingly Improved Character:

The nominees are:

a) Serena
b) Summer
c) Karl

And the winner is...a, Serena!

Most Ruined Character:

The nominees are:

a) Sky
b) Stingray

And the winner is...a, Sky!

Most Annoying Member Of The Timmin's Household:

The nominees are:

a) Janelle
b) Janae
c) Dylan
d) Stingray
e) Bree

And the winner is...It's a tie between a, b, c & d! Bree is alright, we can stand her.

Congratulations to everyone!

Oh My God, I Can't Believe It

2005-05-04T11:48:00.000+10:00

Do you know we have gone almost two weeks without mentioning Cameron Adams? That is an all time record! I didn't even mention HiT last Thursday, because it was a bit ordinary.

So tomorrow we are holding a Welcome Back Cameron concert and celebration! The Chefs will bring the great cakes (and the great music!), Chris will put the decorations up and Stu will be in charge of crowd control! It's all all-star Love Pavilion event as we celebrate the Very Best Of Cameron Adams.

Meanwhile: I am trying so hard not to download the Oasis album. I should take the Oasis Liz off my friends list, because it's getting posted about 20 times a day.

I Predict A Sprite - Episode Two

2005-05-03T13:24:00.000+10:00

KCs: Hey guys! Welcome to episode two of I Predict A Sprite! The amazing cooking and diet show that's all about health, fun, and Sprite! Proudly brought to you by Sprite!

R: Now, er...we've had a slight change in plans today...
N: Yeah, we turned up at Wyatt Earp's house, and it turns out he's actually been dead for around 85 years.
R: And dead people don't really need diets!
N: No, they're already pretty thin!
R: They could probably still enjoy the refreshing taste of Sprite though!
N: Absolutely!

R: Anyhow, we were kind of at a lose end for what to fill the show with after that!
N: So instead we've got a special musical guest on for you! It's R&B superstar R Kelly with his hit Sex In The Kitchen!

'Girl you're in the kitchen
Cooking me a meal...

Cutting up tomatoes,
fruits and vegetables and potatoes...

Sex in the kitchen over by the stove
Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls...'

R: Thank's for that R Kelly! You know guys, we could do a cover of that song...
S: Yeah, but we'd change that last line to "Sex in the kitchen over by the blue cake...put you on the counter near the bottles of Sprite"
W: Guys...what the HELL is this show about?
R: I don't know...things that rhyme with 'riot'? Kitchen jokes? Oh, I really have no idea...let's hope we get it right for episode three...

Extreme Parva Appreciation Mania!

2005-05-02T14:43:00.000+10:00

Well, putting behind me the memory of those horrible pictures, I downloaded Parva's "biggest" "hit" Good Bad Right Wrong:

And I like it! It sounds like...well, the Kaiser Chefs! Hopefully I will find some more of their great songs, because wouldn't it be brilliant if we could love them as three things - an indie band, a blur tribute band, and a fabulous bunch of cooks?

And aren't the Kaiser Chiefs just the comedy pop band that keeps on giving? I don't think there's any limit to the material they can provide for us here at the Love Pavilion. Thank GOD they came along just in time, because after Nikki left DWTS we were at a right loss, really we were.

A Commercial For This Week's "I Predict A Sprite!"

2005-05-02T12:14:00.000+10:00

Coming up, on tomorrow's episode of "I Predict A Sprite"...

R: Hi guys! Make sure you tune in for this week's amazing episode! Nick, can you guess who the special guest is?
N: I predict...a Wyatt!

S: Wyatt Earp? Isn't he dead?
N: Yes! Dead tired of high cholesterol!
S: Fantastic!
R: It sure will be! We'll see if Wyatt will take on a new diet! Of Sprite!
N: I predict he'll try it!
S: ~~Wouldn't this have been better during the Wild West theme week?~~
N: ~~Yes~~

So, tune in tomorrow for all the fun and adventure!

A Very Special Love Pavilion Film Presentation

2005-04-30T13:35:00.000+10:00

Michael and I finally really HAVE agreed on something. We would both very much like the following film to be made:

I mean, with all that hair in their eyes, it's no wonder they haven't realised that they are IDENTICAL TWINS SEPARATED AT BIRTH! And so, we are going to tell their story, giving the classic 'Parent Trap' tale a third makeover.

Things We Will Be Ignoring:

Their 11 year age gap. Or, actually, we might just point it out at every opportunity. We haven't decided yet.

The implausibility of two grown men attending a summer camp. But hey, there's not much logic to The Parent Trap at all, is there.

Right - so, it's basically the same story as the original. At their birth, Damon and Ricky's parents, (played by Simon Le Bon and Lulu:)...

...decided to split up, taking one child each. Damon and Lulu went to live in Africa, with the other two staying in Leeds. After the two boys grow up, becoming pop stars and fantastic tv show hosts, they accidentally meet each other at an American summer camp.

When the two meet, they can't believe what they see in the other! Flat caps? Eyeliner? Fringes in eyes? "Wacky" stage antics? They must be twins!

From then on it's time to 'swap places' as the two attempt to reunite their parents, and get their family back together!

It's feelgood family fun all around! Coming to a Love Pavilion screen this week!

Hold Up There Buddy!

2005-04-29T21:48:00.000+10:00

Michael, we're really NOT agreeing very much. In fact, you've taken up your old post as President Of Wrong Information stronger than ever before.

You are calling bands "indie" which are simply NOT. Blur, The Pastry Chefs and The Killers are not indie! I hate indie!! Stop saying otherwise.

That's all for now.

Two World's Collide...:

2005-04-29T18:41:00.000+10:00

For the first time in at least a year, me and Crystal agree on something.

I fucking hate Bloc Party.

Which should come as no surprise to anyone who's been reading the recently revamped Indie Pavilion whenever I've roused myself enough to make a post, because I fucking hate most people who are putting out music and pretending to be Blur/Oasis/Prince/The Smiths (delete as applicable) at the moment.

It's the first time in a long time that I've looked at the charts, sat back and thought, 'What's the point?'. Because I don't understand. I don't understand why people who should be in the NME are in The Sun. I don't understand why my Dad owns the Razorlight album. I don't understand why poncy indie boys - who are not even fit! - have taken over the world, and I don't understand where good pop music has gone to.

And I don't understand why I'm here, when I have a Psychology exam which I should at least pretend to care about lest I be kicked out of university. But that's how frustrated it has me!

For the love of Ginger Spice, will someone who can't play the guitar and has never heard of Queens of Noize release a decent single before the year is out!

Modern Tribute Bands Are Rubbish

2005-04-29T10:42:00.000+10:00

(Old school!)

I think I spoke too soon yesterday, because straight after I wrote that I'd love the Kaiser Chefs forever, I suddenly became quite sick of them. But that's what happens when you play an album 30 times in one week I guess.

Anyway, for a total change of pace I thought I'd play some Blur records. So, I've been listening to Modern Life Is Rubbish, Parklife and the Best Of. AND...

...you know, compared to the original, Kaiser Chefs are a bit crap. It's like I've been watching Home And Away for 2 weeks, and I've suddenly remembered that Neighbours is still on.

Maybe the Chefs should just stick to cooking and drinking Sprite...

An Exciting New Direction...

2005-04-28T19:42:00.000+10:00

Well, seeing as funding cuts were threatening to see "I Predict A Diet" pulled off the air after only it's first episode, we've had to seek sponsorship from a soft drink company.

The show is now known, from this point forwards as:...

It's the exact same show though, just with a LOT more Sprite. The concept hasn't changed, just the drink that our dieticians and star chefs recommend.

It's going to be GREAT...

Where Is The Hate?

2005-04-28T14:44:00.000+10:00

The Love Pavilion is finally living up to it's name! DO you SEE how I have not turned on the Kaiser Chiefs? It's been 10 days since the fist proclamation of love, and it has only grown since then! They are turning into a forever love in the same vein as Oasis/Cameron/Neighbours - a VERY rare group who never get dumped.

Meanwhile:

That Liam Gallagher Vs Kaiser Chiefs thing which has 'kicked off' today...

The idiot Oasis fans who are agreeing with Liam are WRONG, and the idiot Kaiser Chiefs fans who are calling Liam a moron are WRONG.

Everyone. Is. WRONG.

Oh, I hate it when bands I love fight. I don't know which way to turn, who to trust, or what to do. Why can't everyone just play nicely? I REFUSE TO TAKE SIDES.

Something Absolutely Hilarious And Terrifying About The Kaiser Chiefs

2005-04-27T20:54:00.000+10:00

I made an ill-advised decision this afternoon to investigate the Chief's previous incarnation as indie band "Parva". Thanks to the internet I was able to track down their old label site, and much more.

Hello denim!:

I've simply learnt some things I did not wish to know. The Chiefs really WERE a horrible, horrible indie band. LOOK!:

CHARLES RICHARD WILSON, I just cannot believe you would ever dress like that.

And who the fuck are these people!?

OH GOD NO. I'm just going to pretend none of this ever ever happened.

Something Not Entirely About The Kaiser Chiefs

2005-04-27T12:39:00.000+10:00

(Actually...Cameron only gave them 3 stars)

You know...something has been slowly creeping up on me the last week. It's been like that episode of The Simpsons, where Ned Flanders decides he hates Homer Simpson. I didn't realise it was happening till I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, sat up, and yelled out:

'Oh my God, I think I hate Bloc Party!'

I just keep accidentally reading interviews with them where they slag off other bands that I like, except they do it so politely that you don't actually realise they've done it till a few days later. And then you think, 'gee, what's the view like from up there, BLOC PARTY?' They are so judgemental about any other rock stars who don't exhibit what they consider perfect popstar behavior, which I suppose for them means reading books and sitting quietly.

This is NOT just because they've dissed Oasis and the Chiefs. No, really, it's not. It's about the PRINCIPLE of the thing.

I'll see if this develops any further. Because being the one member of the "We Hate The Bloc Party Club" is going to be pretty lonely. Even the Danny Fanclub had two members (me and him)!

QUESTION

2005-04-27T09:18:00.000+10:00

- Am I the only person in the world who actually likes the new Coldplay album cover?

As we like to say around here - Well done Chris!

I Predict A Diet - Episode One!

2005-04-26T12:59:00.000+10:00

Let's hit the theme song!

"Watching the people get unhealthy,
is not very pretty, I tell thee...
And putting on pounds is quite scary,
And not very sensible either...

lalalalalala

I predict a diet! I predict a diet!
I predict a diet! I predict a diet!"

Kaiser Chefs: Hi, we're the Kaiser Chefs! Welcome to episode one of our new show "I Predict A Diet!"

Simon: Today on the show, we've got a very special celebrity diet makeover - Taj!
Ricky: We're putting a building on a diet?
Simon: Hahahaha. No. Not the Taj Mahal silly! Taj from Neighbours!
Ricky: Ah, of course! Brilliant! Let's crank up the bonza bus then shall we? Destination Sydney!

The Chefs arrive at Taj's Sydney abode

Knock knock

Taj answers

KCs: Hello Taj! You've been selected to come on our show! As one of the fattest Neighbours characters of recent times, you were the perfect choice as our first ever guest! And taking a look at you, there's only thing we have to say: 'I predict a diet!'
Taj: Who the fuck are you?
KCs: We're the Kaiser Chefs! We cook, we sing, and we CHANGE LIVES!
Taj: ...I've never heard of you
KCs: Never mind! Are you ready to come with us for the dieting experience of a lifetime?
Taj: ...yeah, I guess. Can I just say goodbye to my girlfriend first?
KCs: Of course!
Taj: (Calling out) Goodbye Libby!
Libby: (In background) See ya Taj!

We arrive at a kitchen

Ricky: Now Taj, we are going to put you on the "Blue Cake Diet". It's basically where you eat nothing but blue cakes for a month.
Taj: But won't eating nothing but cake make you put ON weight?
Ricky: No well, the thing is you see, the frightening appearance and disgusting taste will put you off so much that you won't eat anything at all. Weight loss guaranteed!
Taj: I see. Isn't this a bit of a controversial approach?
Ricky: Yes well, it's not recommended by any doctors anywhere.
Taj: Will it be dangerous to my health?
Ricky: Oh definitely. But do you want to be fat or not?
Taj: Not. I'll give it a bash then!
Ricky: That's the spirit! Alright then Taj, we'll set you up with a month's supply of cake (which you won't need!) and we'll check back on you in a months time!
Taj: Thanks guys! See you then!

Jaunty music plays

Back in the studio

Nick: And now it's time for a special segment we like to call 'The Chef's Top Five!'

The Chef's Top Five Chefs Who Aren't Them!:

1. Jamie Oliver
2. Ben from the Big Arvo
3. Nigella Lawson
4. Ian "Hewie" Hewitson
5. Gwyneth Paltrow

KCs: And now it's time to check back in with Taj! It's been a month, let's see if he's stuck to the diet, and how much weight he has lost!

The Chefs arrive back at Taj's house

Ricky: Well Taj!...don't you look...~~as fat as ever~~...er, wonderful...
Taj: Don't try to humour me.
Nick: You ate the cakes, didn't you.
Taj: Yes. They don't taste as bad as they look.
Ricky: (Thinking) Hmmm... Maybe we should revise the concept a bit then
Nick: After all, it's only the pilot! We'll get it right next time, surely!
Ricky: Yeah, well done Taj! Thanks for being on the show!
Taj: It's been great fun!

Kaiser Chefs: Thanks for tuning in everyone! Stay tuned next week for another dieting triumph!

We've Worked On This Concept For Months...

2005-04-25T13:30:00.000+10:00

It's finally time to unveil the Kaiser Chef's all new celebrity cooking show!:

It's weight loss - the Kaiser Chef's way!

Move over "Celebrity Fit Club", "Celebrity Overhaul", ET ALL, because "I Predict A Diet" is here to help (and surprise!) the stars into shape! Every week one very special star guest will recieve a surprise at their door - a member of the Kaiser Chef's there telling them 'I predict a diet!' From then on it's time to WHIP them right into shape - with some fun shenanigans and healthy living tips along the way!

Every Day You'll Be Eating Less And Less!

Born To Be A Dancer

2005-04-24T09:51:00.000+10:00

Just to make it official that the Chiefs are the new Blur:

Be Careful What You Wish For

2005-04-23T22:31:00.000+10:00

SO. Michael wanted Chris to Liz-o-vate Coldplay's new album cover.

Well, don't think for ONE MOMENT that Chris wasn't up to the job:

Well done Chris!

What Actually Happened To...:

2005-04-23T21:54:00.000+10:00

...Him from out of The Vines.

It was discovered that the spazzy behaviour that the NME so loved to pick up on/laugh at was a result of him being autistic, so all future touring was cancelled and, with any luck, all future recording.

In vaguely related news, the new Coldplay song is...exactly the same as the old Coldplay song. And all Coldplay songs that came before it.

I suggest Chris turns his hand at Liz-o-vating his bands' sound. And that hideous album cover. (Hehehe - Crystal) (Alright then - Chris)

What Ever Happened To...

2005-04-23T18:43:00.000+10:00

...The Vines?

Seeing as the Indie Pavilion was "brought up", I had a glance through the Indie Pav era, and found a post I'd made about The Vines upcoming album. And then I thought "what the hell ever happened to The Vines?" I never thought I'd miss Craig Nicholls' tiresome Kurt Cobain impressions, fondness for McDonalds and comedy British accent, but I DO. No just kidding. I don't really.

But still, poor guy. Now that he's unemployed, maybe we could give him a job here? We already have a handyman, a life philosopher, a chef, and someone who doubles the fun at every available opportunity though, so I'm not quite sure what he could do...

We'll try and think of something.

"The Sleeper of their generation"

2005-04-23T13:49:00.000+10:00

According to this (thank you to Hannah for the link) one of the Manic Street Preachers hates the Kaiser Chiefs!

Let's hear what he has to say, SHALL WE!:

"They've been like 4 different bands in the past 4 years. Oh, they were a Stooges band, then they were a fucking indie band, and oh, now we're trying to be a fucking Blur band!"

And now they are a cooking band!

No, but seriously, as much as I love the Chiefs, that WAS right on the money. I've thought it a bit questionable the way they suddenly became a Blur tribute band overnight, when they weren't before. It's a bit too "The Bravery" for me.

(Oooh...the first signs of criticism...)

Top 10 Most Played Songs On My iPod UPDATE

2005-04-23T13:39:00.000+10:00

Remember last time it was an all Killers affair, and I promised to restore the balance? Well - I'm pleased to announce there's been a Kaiser Chiefs invasion! (And some songs that are by NEITHER, oh my goodness.)

(Ruling my Top 10 Together!)

1. All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
2. Mr Brightside - The Killers
3. Everyday I Love You Less And Less - Kaiser Chiefs
4. A Pessimist Is Never Disappointed - The Audience
5. Somebody Told Me - The Killers
6. 80s Rockstar - The Weekend
7. Giving You Up - Kylie Minogue
8. Negotiate With Love - Rachel Stevens
9. I Predict A Riot - Kaiser Chiefs
10. Modern Way - Kaiser Chiefs

Meanwhile...even though we've already BEEN The Indie Pavilion, remember Michael, I'm more than happy to give it a "re-load". Shall I book Chris in? That said, I'm nowhere near done with Extreme Chiefs Appreciation Mania, and am ready and rearing to roll into week two...

I Predict A Riot:

2005-04-23T03:04:00.000+10:00

~~Jesus~~ Noel Gallagher!

The Killers, Kaiser Chiefs, pictures cut out of the NME...

We'll have a really straight, dyed black fringe in place of the Kaiser Chiefs banner next week, such is the alarming rate at which we're becoming The Indie Pavilion.

If anyone wants to send me some MP3s by someone who doesn't play their own instrument - or even write their own songs - I'd be more than grateful. You know my G-Unit Mail address.

Double The Chiefs!

2005-04-22T14:59:00.000+10:00

Attention Aussie Kaiser Chief fans! Look what WOMP has gone and done for us on Rage tonight:

There's also two plays of the new Gorillaz song, so WOMP has REALLY been on our sides this week. Thanks WOMP!

A Bonza Picture

2005-04-22T11:02:00.000+10:00

From last week's/this week's (depending on where you live) NME.

I've had to un-Blutak this from my wall though, and it really must be returned PRONTO, in case I lose it and never again find pictorial evidence for this meeting of the minds:

Yay - buddies! Not at all enemies like we insinuated on yesterday's episode of Damon Albarn's Harbor.

Meanwhile: I think the "Kaiser Chefs" will be back for their very own special Love Pavilion segment, cooking up a storm! Move over Jamie's School Dinners, The Chefs will be re-educating the kids one blue cake at a time, teaching them:

The nutritional value of blue food dye

And why ugly is always better!

It's Time For The 2005 Season Premiere Of...Damon Albarn's Harbor!

2005-04-21T13:08:00.000+10:00

"Some days we're starting off new in 2005!
With a fresh new vibe!
Yeah we're feeling alright,
Down at Damon Albarn's Harbour!"

Damon: Hello children! It's great to be back for a fresh new season of Damon Albarn's Harbor! This year it's all about HAPPINESS - I've put all my anger and bitterness behind me, and I'm ready for some fun!

To celebrate our first episode back, I think we need a cake! And I've got some special guest chefs in to help me...The Kaiser CHEFS!

What a beautiful blue cake they've whipped up for us! Hello guys, welcome to the studio!

Kaiser Chiefs: Hello Damon! Great to be here!
Damon: And great to have you! Now Ricky, can you talk us through the recipe for how to make this fantastic cake?
Ricky: Well, it's basically just your average sponge, dyed a terrifying shade of blue.
Damon: Brilliant!
Ricky: It sure is!

Damon: Now, let's get down to business. I hear you're the lead singer in a band, as well as a great cook...
Ricky: Well, yeah...
Damon: Now, what band would you say you most sound like?
Ricky: Well, we sound a bit like Blur, actually!
Damon: A bit? Try a whole bloody lot. You know, I'm in a band that sounds a lot like Blur too. Oh that's right, I AM in Blur.
Ricky: ...ok.
Damon: I hope you aren't thinking of hosting a fantastic children's variety show from a harbor, are you?
Ricky: No...I was actually thinking about starting up a lizovations company though.
Damon: Oh, I'm sorry to tell you this, but only singers who either ARE, or sound like the lead singer of Coldplay can do that.
Ricky: Oh. Well, who can host TV shows from harbors then?
Damon: You have to sound like the lead singer from Blur, or be Ben Cousins. I think it's pretty obvious why.
Ricky: Oh definitely. So, I CAN host a brilliant kid's television show from a harbor then?
Damon: NO YOU FUCKING CAN'T! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
Ricky: Sorry Damon.
Damon: That's alright. I think we'd better go to a break. Thanks for coming in.
Ricky: Thanks for having us.

Damon Albarn's Harbour returns next week, for another fun packed episode!

In Other HiT News...

2005-04-21T12:15:00.000+10:00

Check this out:

Cameron sure does love our special Love Pavilion guest stars doesn't he? I'm expecting to see WOMP in the "Hot" column next week.

And speaking of special guest stars, Damon Albarn's Harbour is back with an all new series starting soon! (Can you guess who he MIGHT have on as star guests?)

Oh, Thank God

2005-04-21T09:04:00.000+10:00

THE VERDICT IS IN:

OK Old Bean, Ready To Rumble?:

2005-04-21T00:45:00.000+10:00

Given Australian televisions current pilaging of Britain's best/worst light entertainment, minor celebrity-endorsed 'reality' shows (see: Strictly Come Dancing, The X-Factor and that Stars in their Eyes rip-off) our Aussie 'fans' (well, Alyson, at least) will be pleased to hear of the emergence of Celebrity Wrestling.

The premise? Two teams of six Z-list celebrities-by-proxy (there's Princess Diana's ex/notorious 'cad' James Hewitt and Jade Goody's former spouse, Jeff Brazier amongst their numbers) - including Liberty X's Michelle Heaton and Kate Lawler from the Big Brother series that was so lame everyone has forgotten about it - adopt hilariously feeble nicknames (I'll be putting money on Jeff Brazier's 'The Pocket Rocket' and Kate Lawler's 'The Brawler') and slug it out, dressed in grossly misjudged outfits.

It's only a matter of time before The Disco Cow faces Nikki's 'Strawberry Kiss'...

There's a flash game on the official website that would be worth a go, if I could actually get pixellated Michelle Heaton to shake her scrawny ass.

A Kaiser Chiefs Review That Is Party Correct, But Partly Very Very Wrong

2005-04-20T12:10:00.000+10:00

This is from HotPress, which I don't mind as far as music magazines go. I read it a week ago though, and it sort of lowered my expectations for how good the album was going to be:

(Stuart?!)

Anyway, only 3...Fire Things? INCORRECT! "Something you wouldn't feel the need to invent if it didn't exist'? INCORRECT!

"Makes you want to rush out and buy a pencil case so you can scrawl their names on it'? CORRECT. On, in my case, makes me want to perform a Lizovation, pronounce it BEST ALBUM EVER and run an Extreme Appreciation Mania.

Thanks Chris!

2005-04-20T09:05:00.000+10:00

Ok, so I'm the first to admit that the Chief's album cover doesn't exactly present the nicest colors for a Lizovation, but it's what we've got to work with. ~~Besides, next week when I hate them it will all be changed~~

Top 5 Tracks On Employment:

1. Everyday I Love You Less And Less
2. Na Na Na Naa
3. I Predict A Riot
4. Modern Way
5. Saturday Night

Meanwhile, I can barely stand the anticipation of Cameron Adams review tomorrow. PLEASE Cameron, don't let me down.

Shittest Album of 2005, Possibly EVER:

2005-04-19T21:43:00.000+10:00

Actually, when I consigned The Arcade Fire to the, erm, fire, I'd forgotten about being strapped down (okay, I was in a car, it was a seatbelt - but still!) and forced to listen to the Stereophonics' new album which, despite featuring that line about banana splits and cream (or whatever useless euphimism it is) is really quite horrendous.